


izuru is a horse

by sunflower_8



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa Zero, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Crack, i haven't read dr0, kamukura izuru is a horse.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:07:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26169922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflower_8/pseuds/sunflower_8
Summary: In the end, Yasuke should have figured this is how he would die.(or, yasuke discovers unsettling truths about the past of hope's peak academy, as well as what he has unknowingly created.)
Comments: 24
Kudos: 37





	izuru is a horse

Yasuke is starting to think that the lobotomy idea was a little excessive.

It’s not like he wasn’t expecting what occurred. For fuck’s sake, he’s a neurologist-- an Ultimate Neurologist, as a matter of fact, a bullshit fucking talent-- and he  _ knows  _ what a lobotomy looks like. Knows what he got himself in to, knows that he was supposed to spend a couple hours just fucking around with someone’s head until they stopped feeling like anything. 

But  _ Jesus Christ _ , he has a fucking  _ migraine,  _ and he’s staring down at a half-conscious fucking lobotomized, ugly piece of shit, and he can hardly feel anything. 

(It’s ironic in a shitty fucking way, because he’s complaining about a goddamn migraine when he just lobotomized someone. A fucking  _ lobotomy.  _ And he’s not the person who’s really dealing with the whole lack-of-feeling shit.)

There are other scientists in the room, which is both great and really fucking stupid, because it’s not exactly like he wants to watch a bunch of nurses and shit poke and prode around with this fucking patient person. He isn’t interested in the whole  _ did I just sort of kill a person maybe  _ thing. Not that he really cares about that shit, he had a  _ reason  _ to, but when the reason is Hope’s Peak Academy, he-

Whatever. Fuck Kirigiri Jin, that’s besides the point. 

Point fucking is, there’s this half dead half conscious half  _ whatever  _ person looking at him with these  _ red fucking irises _ , and everyone in the room is looking at him like he needs to do shit, but he doesn’t really give a shit about this or “Ultimate Talents” or hope or whatever. This shit was a  _ mistake. _

But. Someone has to break the silence, so he says with enough passive-aggressiveness in his voice to hopefully knock the guy unconscious so they can all go home, “Hey. How are you.” 

It hardly even sounds like a question.

The guy-- Kamukura Izuru is what they want to call him-- just keeps looking at him. Calculating. Staring. It’d almost be intimidating, if he wasn’t an ugly motherfucker partially covered in blood because sure the place is sterilized but sometimes you fuck up. Sometimes you fuck up a lot. Sometimes you’re Hope’s Peak Academy and  _ can’t stop fucking up- _

Whatever. Fucker needs to give him an answer. “Hey, asshole, how are you?”

One of the scientists makes a strangled noise that sounds stupid and shit, which Yasuke ignores. Not like anybody is gonna piss off the guy that just fucked with some reserve’s head enough that they’re now the most powerful person alive. 

Haha.

The fucker is still not answer, so Yasuke almost gives up and grabs him by the  _ stupid fucking gown,  _ when he hears a,

a,

what the fuck was that?

What. The fuck.  _ Was  _ that.

The scientists look at him like he’s supposed to have an answer. He doesn’t have an answer. There isn’t even a question  _ to  _ answer. There’s just Yasuke, a bunch of scientists, and a fucked-up ex-reserve who just fucking  _ neighed  _ like a goddamn horse in this hotel room and Yasuke is going to sleep for days after this shit is over.

The bastard seems completely nonplussed, which is great. Really fucking fantastic. He’s really glad he has to exist right now with this ugly motherfucker who just neighed like a horse-

(he knew a horse girl, once)

-now isn’t the time for contemplative sad boy hours, Yasuke, this bitch just fucking neighed.

Yasuke walks up to him with as much calmness as he can manage and leans down a bit. “What the fuck was tha- SHIT-” he yanks his arm away from the fucker, who still has a very neutral gaze despite the fact that he just- “bit my fucking arm, piece of  _ shit. _ ”

“Yasuke-san-”

“Shut the fuck up,” Yasuke snaps. “Why did we create this bitch again?”

One scientist cackles menacingly. “He’s the Ultimate Talent, which means we had some…  _ interesting  _ choices for what he could do.”

“Like what.”

“A couple years ago, Hope’s Peak Academy went through a tragedy,” a more timid nurse explains. “It was kept quiet and away from the media because… nobody wanted to acknowledge it could happen, that Kirigiri-san could mess up so badly that… he would admit a  _ monstrosity  _ into the school. The talent scouts were investigated, and everything shut down for a few hours during the worst of it. God, I still have nightmares,” she laughs bitterly. “We all do.”

“What the fuck happened?” Yasuke asks, at least a bit intrigued.

“... We admitted an Ultimate Horse.”

… “What?”

“It was a horse,” one of the scientists elaborates. “But the Ultimate Horse.”

“How the fuck did you-” Yasuke rubs his temples. “You can’t just accidentally admit a horse.”

A doctor shakes his head sadly. “We thought it would be different. That it would be a beacon of hope. But…”

Yasuke squints. “I think you’re missing something here. It’s a fucking horse.”

“Yes.”

“You. You thought a beacon of hope was-”

“Neigh,” Kamukura offers helpfully.

“Shut the fuck up you ugly bitch, I didn’t ask you.” Yasuke sighs, sitting down on a shitty plastic chair. “Oh my God, Kirigiri is an idiot.”

“I know that you are under a lot of stress, Yasuke-san-”

“I’m fine.” He stands up. (He is. He definitely is. He’s totally not going through some mental shit right now. Nope. Not him.  _ But he can start to understand where the concept of Despair comes i- _ ) “So. Does this bitch just neigh, or.”

He’s not sure what prompted him to ask. But, he’s even less sure of what prompted Kamukura to stand up, disattaching wires and IVs, and exiting the room. Yasuke is half concerned, half fucking pissed, but he knows where this is going (even if it’s a dwindling piece of him that knows this fate, that realizes it).

Yasuke starts to think he’s made a fatal miscalculation.

(Because, they’re outside now, and Kamukura is leaping over fences on all four limbs, and Yasuke is going to lose his shit and he’s not crying, no, it’s ugly it’s  _ not beautiful it’s not hopeful  _ nope, he isn’t at all interested in this stupid fucking bitch who is jumping over fences and eating apples and-

-oh shit-

…

In the end, Yasuke should have figured this is how he would die.)

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this at midnight yesterday. we were talking about minecraft. marshpy said what if izuru kamukura was the ultimate horse. i sent the server a link to a google doc and started typing.
> 
> here are some comment highlights:
> 
> "I feel like you gotta build it up and make it seem like something super impressive but then Izuru just fuckin uhhhhh whinnies at him and chomps"
> 
> "WHY IS MIKE WAZOWSKI HERE"
> 
> "he got eaten by the horse"
> 
> "HE KNEW A HORSE GIRL ONCE"
> 
> "Who was the horse girl? Mukuro ?  
> > Definitely. She’s also the SHSL horse"
> 
> "I'm gonna kill you"
> 
> :)


End file.
